burning me beautiful...

skyy told me to...again

2006-10-08T23:02:00.000-03:00

well, it's about that time again. skyy gave me a lil kick in the blogging butt. so here i am. God rocks. life rocks. my family rocks. my friends rock. man, i love the full moon. i love you people. i'm in saint john for the turkey weekend. seeing some beautiful people. man, it's so good. still working at starbucks. loving it. i'm in fredericton for the long haul. don't know when i'll get a computer. gotta pay off my credit card first. life is so good. definitely got my share of challenges but it's the bomb. my mom is sending me to get a movie...the lakehouse. i'll be back...someday. here's a picture of me in mozambique. don't judge. i was getting into the culture.

skyy told me to

2006-09-07T22:22:00.000-03:00

hello world.
or maybe the 6 people that still read my blog.

i don't have a computer. i really want one...a macbook. so, if any of you want to give me one, let me know. i'll take it off your hands. foreal.

that is why i do not update my life. i will someday soon (as soon as one of you gives me a laptop). i realized recently that i really want to share my life with people. quirky things happen to me somedays and i like to tell. if you want to hear about my life, give me a computer.

deal.

a place to rest my head at night

2006-07-27T06:36:00.000-03:00

so i've definitely been searching for an apartment with my good friend, James, for the past few weeks. we thought we had one all lined up, but then it got rented to someone else. so we looked some more on tuesday, went to see a place, loved it, filled out an application for it, and they called us yesterday to tell us that they wanted us to have it. it's fantastic. for anyone who know's fredericton, it's on the north side right close to the walking bridge. it's a super old house. but not dumpy old; history old. it's about 1000 square feet. 3 bedrooms. i can't wait for everyone to see it. anyway, i just drove danica to the airport. it's now 6:30 am. i've been up for 2 hours. i have the next 2 days off work. hoping to hang out with some francophones. but i think i shall sleep now. until next time.

the world still turns...

just dance...

2006-07-14T23:26:00.000-03:00

i'm no dancer, but this is what life is beginning to look like for me:

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god_article.php?id=7173

ne pas ordinateur

2006-07-11T23:15:00.000-03:00

ah yes. i almost forgot. i do not have a computer. that is probably the main reason you rarely hear from me (whoever you are). feel free to buy me one. an apple, that is. i would greatly appreciate it. maybe, i'd even take you to see a movie, or buy you a milkshake. that would be grand.

p.s. i miss my niece and nephew. :(

superman returns

2006-07-11T23:12:00.000-03:00

well, i know i'm not exactly superman, but i did see the movie. not too shabby.

i guess this is one of my not too often appearances on this blogish thing. i don't even know if anyone reads this anymore. if you do, you're in for a treat...maybe.

i just wanted to let everyone know that i work at starbucks and it's fantastic.

and i love the world.

amen.

p.s. i love you, too.

did i tell you i was in fredericton?

2006-06-14T22:16:00.000-03:00

well, friends.
i am most certainly a permanent resident of fredericton. this is different than any other time i've been away from "home". well, what used to be home. i am home now. this move is totally open-ended. i don't know how long i will be here, but i have a feeling it will be for some time. i am having a phenomenal time. it definitely seems to be God's timing for me to be here. i'm not doing a whole lot. just working my job and spending lots of time with my amazing family here. what wonderful people God has blessed me with!

at the same time, there is still some inner turmoil and shifting going on with in me. it's good, though. i'm just being me; being vulnerable and open; letting God change my heart. i'm not trying to do anything ministry-wise. at least, what would normally be considered ministry in our christian lingo. i am continuing to love people in whatever context i find myself in. i guess that's what Jesus said to do. so maybe i am ministering. ah, love. what a wonderful thing. didn't He say something about people knowing who we are because of our love. seems like a pretty important thing to me.

i was in Saint John today. i had a meeting for work. it was decent. we went out for supper afterwards. i feel like i don't have to eat again for a week. i had lunch with my good friend, Robin Ellingwood. he's super.

a wonderful friend of mine said these words to me once, and i wanted to share them again (i think i blogged about them before). take these words to heart. here they be:

"there's this beautiful freedom once we really grasp that our lives are not our own. freedom from insecurity, freedom from frear, freedom from limitation, from money, even from your body. you just learn to live in the spirit."

another great man said this: "it is for freedom that Christ has set you free. do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

i truly, simply just want to be free. i do believe that is what Jesus died for.

but Jesus, i had tickets to the Super Bowl!

2006-06-14T21:56:00.000-03:00

ok.
check out these videos made by a church in raleigh, north carolina.
these videos were made with the express intent to show some of the misconceptions people have about who Jesus is and what it means to be a christian. these are very over the top and ridiculous at times. they are also extremely hilarious. watch them if you want to. think about them. some people actually perceive Jesus and His followers in the way that they are presented in these videos. and i'm one to admit that we haven't always done a good job of showing people what it means to follow Jesus. anyway, here they are:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-444363488647893860
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1020885658453744931
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8304756378019746541
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6638432503810462338

here is the link to the church's website. it looks like a pretty rad community.
http://www.vintage21.com

the one with no title

2006-06-04T22:42:00.000-03:00

hey guys.
i'm almost in fredericton. i'll be all moved in sometime tomorrow. the rain has been pouring for 2 days here. lots of water on the road. i don't have a computer in my new city. therefore, i may not be on here for a while. don't worry. you will survive. i'm soooooooooooo tired. i'll be getting settled in for the next lil while...working, getting a computer, getting a phone, hiring some people. i think i need a lil rest first. i love you all.
see you soon.
jordan

lost again

2006-06-01T23:49:00.000-03:00

i'm definately on the second season of lost. bear with me....

finally

2006-05-31T23:18:00.000-03:00

hey guys
after much talk and a small amount of planning, i am finally moving to fredericton. i really believe that this is where i need to be at this time in my life. it's been crazy busy lately. still working lots. i will still be busy during this transition. pray for me. thanks.

please pray for rolland and heidi baker. there are some serious false accusations being brought against them in mozambique. here is the info about what is going on there:

Urgent Prayer Request from Heidi and Rolland Baker
Lee Hattrich - May 29, 2006

I'm in a conference in a town in Gaza Province in southern Mozambique while Heidi is in Pemba... I just got a call from her about a very serious situation for Iris that erupted today in Pemba.

As you may imagine, Moslem leaders and the more Marxist and anti-foreign elements in Mozambique are very agitated about our growth and influence in this country. Such leaders in Pemba have actually expressed their outrage at Iris when they cannot even prevent their own children from coming to church and getting filled with the Spirit.

You may remember how we were evicted from our center in 1997 by Marxists, and had everything taken from us. Something similar is being attempted now in Pemba.

Today a major story appeared on the front page of Pemba's newspaper, apparently instigated by people anxious for our removal from Mozambique. It was blatantly reported for the whole city to read, among many other things, that we are using North American religion to subvert the government, that we are anti-Frelimo (the political party now in power), that all our contacts with leaders are designed to undermine the party, we're anti-black and anti-Africa, etc., etc.

Heidi has spent ten years becoming Mozambican in heart and soul, and has a permanent Mozambican visa. Everything she does is for "her" country, Mozambique. But the article is describing her as deceptive and treacherous. She feels so attacked and devastated... The threat is real. Last year the government very nearly tore down our center with its buildings at our expense.

We are meeting with the editor, and want to write an article in response together with a Mozambican lawyer. Meanwhile, we are asking you our friends to have your networks pray for us... This is yet another critical hour...

On we go in Jesus...

--Much love, Rolland and Heidi

i love you all. my thoughts are all smushed together. you are all children of God. He loves you and He is faithful! i don't know what else to say. here is a picture:

lost, anyone?

2006-05-27T00:30:00.000-03:00

i definately rented the 1st season of lost last night and so far have watched 12 episodes. that's half of the season. 12 more to go. just catching up and filling in some of the missing gaps. i know i am a nut. "lost" is pretty much the only show i watch.

it's kinda funny, though, how when i spend all my time focused on one thing that i almost feel like God is standing in the background looking a little sad. i wonder if it's my feelings of guilt (that i should be spending my time with Him or at least doing something productive). maybe He feels a little disappointed that i'm sitting in front of the tv for hours. i know i'm an extreme person, and when i like something i tend to throw myself into it completely until it's done. i used to be like that with video games. then i usually get sick of myself and cut myself off from all forms of entertainment. i think i need some balance. there's something you can pray for.

i do have to work in the morning so i'm taking a "lost" break. but if you need me for the rest of the weekend, you might find me in front of the tv.

oh yeah...i was just playing "risk" with chad and dylan, and i was whooping them both until they teamed up on me. argh! i should've won. but i'm not bitter...not yet.

the return of the jedi

2006-05-21T00:06:00.000-03:00

ok, so i'm not exactly a jedi, but my life has been so closely linked with star wars in the past that i should at least be an honorary jedi knight. i definately used to think i was a jedi. sometimes when i try to get people to sign up for credit cards, i try to use jedi mind tricks on them. i wave my hand and tell them to sign up. it only usually works on the weak minded.

all that to say: "i'm back." whatever "back" is. i'm blogging again. i think that's what i mean. it's definately been a while. i thought to myself a few times over the past few weeks when i thought of blogging why i would even bother doing it. i realize that it is a way to share thoughts and prayers, stories and pictures, as well as letting people know what's going on in my life, and maybe, just maybe, it's another place for me to be a little vulnerable.

i am Jordan.

so i've been floating around for a while. i thought of using the analogy of a boat lost at sea. it works, but i played it over too much in my head and don't really love it all that much. i have considered myself lost for a while (i'm never lost, no matter what i "think"). i'm not sure where or when things started to slide for me. i guess there wasn't really a certain point. i just know where i am right now. i know why they call it "backsliding". so i've been kinda running from God; hiding from His Presence. wanting Him but not making any effort to seek Him out. not long before all this started happening i knew God was leading me to start some disciplines in my spiritual life. i didn't act on that revelation and i have suffered for it. angry and lustful thoughts have filled my head. i've been battling some things in my mind that i haven't had to deal with for years. they came back out of the blue. i wondered why until Brian Simmons was preaching and told us that some old things were resurfacing in our lives; things we had dealt with but were coming back. God is preparing us. that encouraged me. that was last monday. i've basically been fighting on my own. i haven't been giving God my sin; feeling that it's all my fault and i don't know how to get back. all i needed to do all along was cry out to God. but i haven't been. i have felt pretty jaded; kinda like a zombie. i've tried to take time to pray when i can, but i've been so busy lately. work has been nuts. that has become more my life than Jesus has. i don't like that. i need to do some priority shifting for sure.

i rambled. i know. those thoughts have been floating around for a while. here i am today. i got extremely irritated and wanted to punch holes in the wall today. i restrained myself, knowing that i needed to make the right choices. but it was hard. everything seemed to almost overwhelm me today, and at 12:31 a.m. i know why. it's because God wanted to speak to me through the Newsboys.

i was driving around this afternoon, and i was just angry. i wanted to hang onto my anger. i knew i had to let it go, but i really didn't want to. i wanted to be in a bad mood, but i really didn't. you know what i mean? i'm sure somebody does. i knew that i had to just stop focusing on my junk, my sin, my anger. it was not helping. i started to worship God and something started to lift. i've done this many times in my life. it's the only thing i know. focus on God and not on myself, and i see things more clearly. it's all about Him anyway.

so...the Newsboys. i went to their concert tonight. i didn't have super high expectations. i haven't really heard much of them for a while. man, was i blown away.

a few years ago i read about Peter Furler (the lead singer) coming to a realization that he was just entertaining people...doing the Christian music thing. he needed a change. i saw that change tonight. i had seen them before and they were very entertaining. i was actually a little wary because their signature pop/rock style was what i really liked about them. they've been doing mostly worship stuff for a while now.

there was a wonderful mix of fun/energetic and passionate worship songs. i love the Newsboys. i know all their songs and i know all the words. so it was great fun for me. but i was really moved when Peter (in the middle of the show) started sharing about his life growing up as a pastor's kid and his longing for something more. he was very transparent. i wish you all could have heard him. i just realized that i haven't even asked God to really help me do much of anything. i forget that He is a good Father who likes to give us what we ask for. at quite a few points in the evening Peter was quoting Scriptures that spoke specifically to where i am at. one was Isaiah 40. another (at the very end) was "it is for freedom that Christ has set us free." he was yelling that one. he even prophesied over Saint John. he used the name of the city a lot. he said that it's been dark in Saint John for a while, but the light is coming. then he repeated "Saint John" over and over again. it really was powerful.

the heaviness lifted off of me this evening. i am free. it is wonderful. God just wants me to give everything to Him. He can take it. i'm letting go. tonight i really started to hate the sin that i have been struggling with. He is faithful! that's it! i almost forgot that. the opening band talked about how our faith comes and goes but God is always faithful to us. and then Peter talked about the very same thing at one point. that is what really matters. i'm a mess. God is faithful and strong. glorious.

it's definitely getting late. i need to go to bed. i'm not working tomorrow so i can actually go to church! it hasn't happened very much lately.

in closing i have just three things to say:

1. i love Jesus.
2. i love the Newboys.
3. i love you.

sodom

2006-05-12T23:59:00.000-03:00

found this online. looks pretty interesting:

http://www.dchieftain.com/news/61639-05-10-06.html

fire

2006-05-04T22:59:00.000-03:00

i'm feeling the burn.
the beauty is hiding somewhere.
help me see, Lord.

we got rhythm

2006-05-03T09:10:00.000-03:00

this is me and my dancing partner somewhere in nampula province.

word

2006-05-02T22:53:00.000-03:00

the wheels are turning.
there is voice in the wind.
a tremor in the desert.
thunder on the horizon.
keep your eyes open.
it's coming...

this is hilarious!

2006-05-02T16:44:00.000-03:00

George Bush at the White House Correspondents' Association

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_VK-tg1THM&feature=Views&page=2&t=t&f=b

out

2006-04-28T11:14:00.000-03:00

i'm going to miramichi today to work for the weekend. pray for me. thanks.

i found another one!

2006-04-27T23:48:00.000-03:00

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god_article.php?id=7116

hehe...

please read this amazing article!

2006-04-27T23:23:00.000-03:00

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/pc_article.php?id=7168

i love this quote: "If anyone ever desires to make an eternal impact, the first steps should be taken from a prostrate position."

life?

2006-04-26T00:47:00.000-03:00

i wrote this in my journal the other day:

"the difference between the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil is the source of life. in the Tree of Life our source is God. in the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil our life becomes self-sustaining. we have taken what we need to live our own lives and make our own decisions. yes, God gave us free will and allowed us to choose, but He always wanted us to ask. we were innocent back in the day. the difference is dependence. in the Tree of Life we are dependent upon God the way we were made to be. in the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil we are independent, the way we have made ourselves. i want to live the way i was made to be. i am broken and i want to be fixed."

not sure why i was thinking about all this or quite where it came from. there it is.

another recent journal entry:

"i speak of a life centred on Jesus, but He has become just another thing that i try to fit into my day. sometimes it is a chore to seek Him. at other times it is a joy. but always i must seek. no matter how i feel. is He the reason that i live? i say it easily enough. i think i mean it, but do i? how about making a choice? determining to make Jesus the centre of my life; realizing that He is the very reason i am alive. choosing to give up everything for the Pearl of Great Price. why not? what life have i been living? yes, God has given me vision, but am i moving on to fulfill it without Him? if i am not abiding, i am lost. not so much lost as missing the fullest. i still tend to run. but i want to stop. the desire is within. what will i do?"

those are real unedited entries from my personal journal. they were intended for God's eyes only as all my journals are. but i thought they were interesting enough to let others have a look at. you can tell that i didn't try to make it sound nice because i knew that others would be reading it. these are my thoughts. there are many more. they will find their way here on occasion. i love you all with all the love of God that dwells in my heart. be blessed.

2006-04-24T00:05:00.000-03:00

i'm home...

beautiful

2006-04-20T08:15:00.000-03:00

i found this in my emails the other day:

"there's this beautiful freedom once we really grasp that our lives are not our own. freedom from insecurity, freedom from frear, freedom from limitation, from money, even from your body. you just learn to live in the spirit."

beautiful words typed by a beautiful person.

p.s. will post something real when the passion comes back. right now it is far away.

where have all the comments gone?

2006-04-18T18:25:00.000-03:00

seems to me that nobody is commenting as of late. maybe that is due to the fact that i have posted nothing of intellectual or spiritual worth recently. or it could be that everybody is a jerk! i'm sure it's the former. :)

don't get too excited though; i'm not doing any posting right now. there are some thoughts floating around in my head, but i'm far too hungry to sit here and type them out right now.

be good...

deeper 06

2006-04-12T22:47:00.000-03:00

the youth/young adult conference "deeper" is this weekend (easter). it's the maritimes answer to fresh winds. no delirious or cleetus, but i'm stoked about it. i was commissioned to get the t-shirts made for the conference and they look bomb. you must buy one or seven. $15 each. you'll like it. i'm looking forward to seeing some faces that i haven't seen for a while and meeting some new folks. i love the community aspect of youth conferences. a bunch of young people just getting together to worship God, have a good time, and hopefully experience some change and growth. ah yes...beautiful people.

chad and i played basketball in the south end today with a bunch of kids. what a good time we had. i had met some of the kids previously at circle square ranch.
it was great to play ball in the sunshine again. i just bought a new ball and shoes (although i left my shoes at home today). i love when the days start to get longer and warmer. oh, summer. my most favorite time of the year. i think i'm about to start rambling. i'm going to go play my newly addictive game "scratches".

peace and much love
jordan

wisdom always chooses these black eyes and these bruises over the heartache that they say never completely goes away...

2006-04-12T22:44:00.000-03:00

i'm sorry for those of you who may be getting sick of my posts linking to Relevant Magazine's website. actually, i'm not. check it out...

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/pc_article.php?id=7160

home again home again jiggity jig

2006-04-09T22:54:00.000-03:00

i am home...at my house anyway. the place that i sleep (on the couch). they say "home is where the heart is". if that is truly the case, then my home is in heaven. i like opening up a blog and typing the random thoughts that poo...i mean pop...into my head.

i got right angry and frustrated today for a lil while. i had to hold my tongue because curse words wanted to tumble out. God just told me to trust Him and everything would work out. i was too busy being angry. come to find out that everything worked out perfectly and i laughed because i knew i should've chilled. God is so good. life is wonderful.

i feel like i can't even explain my relationship with God anymore because it doesn't follow a list or a set of rules. it seems to be very fluid. this is the way it should be. i'm just living and letting Him love me. i'm learning so much as He is changing me. i'm becoming more and more free everyday. i'm still human, and i screw it up. but i'm forgiven (see previous post). it's the bomb.com!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

God is God! don't worry about anything! just trust Him. everything is gonna be ok. i promise. He will never let you down. run into His open arms. you can't escape Him anyway. He'll always be here.

you need to talk to me in person to get the full effect of this post.
come find me.

forgiven

2006-04-09T22:30:00.000-03:00

some thoughts...

i recognize that i've done something wrong, and the first thought that comes to me head is that i've got to ask for forgiveness from God? but hasn't He already given it? maybe i just need to forgive myself and move on. we need to accept His forgiveness. we need to repent. repenting means to turn and go a different way...making a change. so often for most of my life i say "God, please forgive me." mostly because i feel guilty. i like guilt. it doesn't feel good. maybe i like what guilt does to me.

do you know the picture i'm trying to paint? i know my thoughts are all very random but this was on my mind when i woke up this morning. i picture myself crying out to God for forgiveness and God just saying, "it's ok, you're already forgiven." imagine the relief when we realize this truth. we are free from sin. we just need to walk away. Jesus took our burdens to the cross. even so these things i do hurt myself. i imagine that they hurt God even more so because He loves me more than i love myself. these things i do keep me from Him as well because i "feel" dirty and unworthy. but it's not true. i'm clean. i'm His son. but i still feel worthless sometimes.

no doubt the devil wants us to stay feeling guilty, unworthy, and condemned so that we don't seek God. but that is all we need to do. we don't need to try to make ourselves worthy. just come as you are. God is waiting with open arms. He loves you so much. He says you are beautiful. and what He says goes. just give your guilt, sin, whatever you want to call it, to God. let Him love you. just accept it.

doubts

2006-04-09T22:29:00.000-03:00

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god_article.php?id=7102

this is the bomb diddly yo!

i hate tv

2006-04-09T00:52:00.000-03:00

it's ture...and true.
i'm definitely tired and sometimes the keys on this laptop stick. i've watched too much tv this weekend in this hotel room for lack of anything better to do. blah. feeling a lil blue. but even as i type this, something inside says it's not true. a smile breaks out on my face. i know everything is going to be ok. i made more money than usual this week. that's pretty nice. i totally enjoyed driving here on friday. a nice relaxing sunny drive.

the tv is now off. the sleeping time, she comes. i leave now. but i would like to inform everyone that i have decided this weekend to learn to speak french. i am in bathurst, and i love it. there's something about being in an entirely new place that absolutely fascinates me. and i don't think i've ever met friendier people. bathurst is one of my new favorite places. come try it sometime.

je ne parle pas francais

2006-04-07T08:28:00.000-03:00

ehyo!
i'm off to bathurst for the weekend for work.
see you all on the other side.
peace and much love
le jorden

revolution

2006-04-03T23:16:00.000-03:00

"Christianity began in Galilee as a fellowship of men and women centered on Jesus Christ.
It went to Greece and became a philosophy.
It went to Rome and became an institution.
It went to Europe and became a culture.
It came to America and became an enterprise.
We need to get back to our roots."

- Richard Halverson, former chaplain to the U.S. Senate

why do i always blog so late at night?

2006-03-30T23:45:00.000-04:00

tired? check.
belly full? check.
new sunglasses? check.
rejoicing always? um...checkish.
praying continually? well...
giving thanks in all circumstances? no...

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

so i thought about this. definitely not something i do all that often. thinking about making these 3 things a continual habit. i want to teach myself to do these things. i've definitely noticed that i'm lacking some much needed discipline in my life. i want to beat my body into submission so that i may win the prize. anyway...

i look at this simple phrase. it's not a rule. it's a blessing. Paul is basically saying that this is what God would like to see happen in our lives. what would happen if we were truly joyful no matter what problems we face? finding out joy in Him? what if we prayed continually? i don't even know what that means. i'll have to think about that one some more. and thanking God even when life sucks? not thanking Him for the suckiness, but thanking Him for His goodness.

i like to think of it as setting my heart and mind on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God, and not on earthly things (Colossians 3:1-3). fixing our eyes on what is not seen. trusting in the God that we can't see. people must think we're nuts! i can hardly explain sometimes what this desire inside is that leads me to believe. hope?

i talked to a very nice lady today when i was working. her name is Nellie. pray for her. she has arthritis and is in a lot of pain. i prayed for her and she said a lot of the pain went away. i thought that was the bomb! we talked about her daughter and her life and she encouraged me greatly to hang onto God. i believe God wanted us to meet. she told me about how we grow in the valley (using christian terminology here...sorry) and not on the mountaintop; how the devil attacks us, but God is faithful. it was beautiful.

after work today, i found myself actually wanting to get away just for 10 minutes just to sit still in God's Presence. so i sat outside on a guard rail looking over the Saint John harbour watching the sun set. not much was said. but it wasn't really necessary. i'm remembering to stop trying so hard and just rest in Him and let Him love me. pulling back from the busyness of doing "life" and just being with Him. that is truly life-giving.

so i guess with the verse i quoted at the top...i'm learning that i don't have to save the world. that i'm just me and simply loving God is what i was made for. i still forget sometimes though. sometimes i worry about what i'm gonna do with my life. but then i remember that He knows. so i come a little closer.

somebody listen to this song...it's by Blindside.

"Silence"

They won't see the fire you have lit inside of me.
They look up to the stars and wonder where you might be.
They look up.
Without realizing they're standing in the palm of your hand.
I can't explain or understand.
I just love you.

It's common knowledge that; you've been dead for a while.
It's well known that the cross is only a burden with pains and trials.
But thinking how come my shoes are so light, how come I can walk for miles?
And still, just love you?

So I think I'll stay, caught up in silent prayer, cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words.
So why don't we just walk along the shoreline with our silent song?
Cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words, the same words.

We have to prove that our love is real, over and over again.
But let them think what they want cause I know It'll never end.
Cause I know when it began.
And my heart still pumps twice as fast whenever you walk by.
Cause I still love you.

So I think I'll stay, caught up in silent prayer, cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words.
So why don't we just walk along the shoreline with our silent song?
Cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words, the same words.

it's picture day!

2006-03-27T00:44:00.000-04:00

the Shakina glory crew.

cutest kid in Mozambique

2006-03-27T00:42:00.000-04:00

beautiful people

2006-03-27T00:38:00.000-04:00

these are some of my wonderful fellow mission students in Mozambique.

i should be in bed

2006-03-27T00:12:00.000-04:00

another week, another post. i should post more often, but then i wouldn't have as much to say...you'd probably have a whole lot of semi-interesting posts instead of a few spectactular posts. i'm not sure yet of which kind this one will turn out to be. let me know.

i'm tired. i sat in church today kinda wrestling with God about some stuff. i was really asking Him to change my heart in regards to a few situations. then Joy got up and shared about her experience of suffering. she realized that she had to let it all go and find her joy/peace/strength in God alone. she realized that she had to forsake everything for Him...everything....good, bad, and ugly.

this is interesting to me because i've had that on my heart for some time as God's been calling me to give up some stuff that i love that is not necessarily bad for me, but may be an idol in my life, distracting me from Him.

the whole church service this morning was phenomenal. Holy Spirit was totally leading it. the songs and stuff that people shared and the message all interconnected. it was the bomb.com
a weight was lifted off of me today.

oh yeah! my car broked down again last night. this time in fredericton. thankfully, i was just going to leave canadian tire when it died. so i left it with them, and went to hang out with my buddy, chris. we were stuck in fredericton for a little while, but they fixed it quickly and cheaply. hopefully, it stays fixed this time.

i'm still tired...

"i can't get no satisfaction"

that quote just went through my head as i thought of all i've been doing lately that seems so empty. even stuff that i used to do all the time just contains nothing good for me anymore. God has been calling me to be closer to Him; to block out some distractions (like i said above), and as i kinda fight Him about it and keep doing those things, He's pulling the grace off them. i can't really do them anymore. they are so empty. i've asked Him to pull away the things that hold me back. He's doing it. i need to find my source of life/comfort/strength completely in Him. anything else will fall apart. and the best part is that He loves me! a hole punch! hehe...

this evening when we were having a prayer meetingish thing i was feeling kind of blue and thinking about some of the stuff that i've been doing that God has asked me not to do...feeling like a bit of a jerk...a little condemned. then i just made the choice to worship and pray and stop focusing on how i felt. i focused on God. He came. "in the midst of suffering, there's a God worth worshiping." i know sometimes i may come across as somewhat sadistic. i ask God to test me and purify me. it hurts most of the time. but i want to be more like Him. we are refined in the fire. i'm definately getting off topic...was there actually a topic?

if we fix our eyes on Jesus in the midst of suffering, He will change us. the situation may not change, but we will see it differently. God is so faithful.

there is always hope...

nostalgic

2006-03-20T19:02:00.000-04:00

so i was looking at all the pictures from Mozambique in Josh Duffy's online photo album. i almost cried as i remembered all the people who i have not remembered lately. i then remembered that i have my own online photo album loaded with beautiful pictures from the beautiful city of Pemba. check it out in the links section. i'm sure you'll enjoy them.

ah, the inopportunity

2006-03-19T19:51:00.000-04:00

a quick recap: my car is broken (still sitting at taylor college), my voice is shot (although feeling a little better), i'm sick (i think i may need to go see my doctor...something i haven't done for a good long time...at least not in the doctor/patient sense. you see i am newly good friends with my doctor's son, adam o'brien, so i am seeing a lot more of my doctor these days. although he's not really a doctor to me anymore. but he may be again soon...we'll see.), and i need my voice for work because i basically tell people to sign up for credit cards (i'm not making any money being sick). i love my job.

the gloriously wonderful thing is that i don't care. a memory just flashed through my head. it was of steve witt speaking of going to toronto for the first time and being baptized in the spirit of "i don't care". i am trusting God. He's changed something in me because i haven't really been trusting Him for a while. it's been a battle to do it, to say the very least. i know that He's taking care of me and everything is gonna work out. i had a thought recently. i asked myself if i was really trusting God or if i was trusting that He was gonna make everything go swell for me. which He hasn't. but He doesn't need to. He is with me. it's so freeing to just do what Jesus says...to come to Him like a child and trust Him. He really does want to take care of everything for us. we hold on and try to do everything ourselves and make a big mess. i remember Bruce Almighty. God let Bruce try to be run the world. He made a big mess and ended up on his knees in the middle of the road in the rain crying out, "I surrender my will to Thee!" i really think it's an accurate picture of what God does. He doesn't impose Himself upon us, but watches us as we struggle to do everything on our own. He tells us that He can do it, but we stubbornly try to do it our own way. it's only when we give up and give it all to Him that He can do what He wants and make something beautiful of our lives. Because we were truly meant to be fulfilled in Him.

wow....don't know quite where that came from. just got a flow going. that's usually the way it happens with me. the inspiration comes and then it goes. that's why my posts have been pretty lacking of late. that, and the fact that i've been busy and worried and tired and sick and hungry. my sister just set a plate of food beside me. it requires my immediate attention.
peace

jordan isn't home now

2006-03-18T21:14:00.000-04:00

so my car did this crazy thing where it decided to stop working. so i'm stuck at taylor college at the moment. my sister is telling me we need to figure out a way home. i really hope that my car will start when i go try it. i don't really have much else to do. so i thought i'd post a lil blog.

my nose is dripping, my throat hurts like a crunk, i can't really talk cuz i lost my voice, girls are talking about knitting underwear, and my nose is still dripping. there it goes again. i am happy...mostly. but not satisfied. there seems to be an emptiness to most everything i do lately. might have something to do with the fact that i keep running, staying busy all the time, rarely taking time to slow down and rest. pondering...that could be it.

i'm still letting go of some stuff. seems to take some time. alas, this is life, and i do love it. it's funny. and fun. the inspiration is fleeing. see you again soon.

i miss you

2006-03-09T11:15:00.000-04:00

i'm off to pei (prince edward island, for all you non-maritimers) for the weekend to work. say a prayer for me and my workmates. hopefully, i'll be able to hook up with my fellow Holy Given graduate Josh Duffy. we'll see what happens. i love a good road trip (even small ones). especially when i have a new cd player in my car! word.

tasty

2006-03-08T00:01:00.000-04:00

This is me pretending to eat a bug in Mozambique.

the impoverished ministry of Jesus

2006-03-07T23:59:00.000-04:00

haha...so now i'm posting like crazy. a friend of mine sent me this and it really speaks to me. it's writteny by Oswald Chambers. check it out.

The Impoverished Ministry of Jesus
“From whence thou hast Thou that living water?”
John 4:11

“The well is deep” – and a great deal deeper than the Samaritan woman knew! Think of the depths of human nature, of human life, think of the depths of the “wells” in you. Have you been impoverishing the ministry of Jesus so that He cannot do anything? Suppose there is a well of fathomless trouble inside your heart, and Jesus comes and says – “Let not your heart be troubled”; and you shrug your shoulders and say, “But, Lord, the well is deep; You cannot draw up quietness and comfort out of it.” No, He will bring them down from above. Jesus does not bring anything up from the wells of human nature. We limit the Holy One by remembering what we have allowed Him to do for us in the past, and by saying, “Of course I cannot expect God to do this thing.” The thing that taxes almightiness is the very thing which we as disciples of Jesus ought to believe He will do. We impoverish His ministry the moment we forget He is Almighty. We will come to Jesus as Comforter or as Sympathizer, but we will not come to Him as Almighty.
The reason some of us are such poor specimens of Christianity is because we have no Almighty Christ. We have Christian attributes and experiences, but there is no abandonment to Jesus Christ. When we get into difficult circumstances, we impoverish His ministry by saying – “Of course He cannot do anything,” and we struggle down the deeps and try to get the water for ourselves. Beware of the satisfaction of sinking back and saying—“It can’t be done”; you know it can be done if you look to Jesus. The well of your incompleteness is deep, but make the effort and look away to Him.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest
27 Feb 06/4 Mar 06

restoration

2006-03-07T23:47:00.000-04:00

hey, this is crazy. i just posted about the sun, and then i read this article that kinda ties into it. i like it. check it out:

http://www.morningstarministries.org/feature/wftw/index.htm#top

read week 10: "Taking the Land, Part XVI"

staring at the sun

2006-03-07T23:22:00.000-04:00

so...i haven't really posted for a few weeks. been dealing with some issues of the heart. i didn't have too many inspiring thoughts to share with you during that time. i thought i'd keep the darkness off of the internet. some would say that's not being real. i call it discretion. anyway, things are changing...actually, it's me who is changing more than anything else. God is staying the same; i'm changing; and i'm not too sure what's happening with the situation i find myself in. but i know that it's not as important as the first two. anyway...

i woke up this morning thinking about the sun. i was thinking about how we can see everything because of the light of the sun, but if we look at the sun it's blinds us to everything else because it is so bright.

then i was thinking about the Son. it's kinda the same thing. He lights up everything. He brings light into the world. some of our problems/situations/issues may seem huge and insurmountable, but if we "fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith", then everything else will fade into the background. He truly is greater than anything we ever face and He is good and faithful to lead us through it. He doesn't change. the situation may or may not change right away. but as we behold Him we are changed. as we look into His eyes we begin to emanate the fragrance of Jesus. we become like Him. we change...and change is good, my friend.

the vision

2006-03-05T23:16:00.000-04:00

THE VISION
So this guy comes up to me and says "what's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth and words come out like this…

The vision?
The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.
The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism.
They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn't even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.
They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport.. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.
What is the vision ?
The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure.
Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers
choose to lose
that they might one day win
the great 'Well done' of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don't need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground
And the army is discipl(in)ed.

Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain".
Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them ?
And the generation prays
like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.
They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive inside.

On the outside? They hardly care. They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.
With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.
Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.
Don't you hear them coming?
Herald the weirdo's! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.
And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon.

How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God. My tomorrow is his today. My distant hope is his 3D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from hero's of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.
Guaranteed.

i wish that i could say that i wrote this...but i didn't do it. pete greig did. check out his website: www.24-7prayer.com

self titled

2006-02-25T23:06:00.000-04:00

i'm sorry that my blogs have been not so interesting or about me as of late, but i have been busy. and to be honest, some of the stuff that goes on inside my head i just don't want to share with most of you. sorry :) there will be more soon though. i promise. but for now, check out this link.

http://relevantmagazine.com/god_article.php?id=7077

if you haven't figured it out by now, i love Relevant Magazine. oh yeah, and i bought Blindside's new album "The Great Depression" last night.

joy to the world

stuff i found today that i enjoyed and wanted to share with you...

2006-02-20T10:31:00.000-04:00

"Brokeback To The Future"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfODSPIYwpQ

xbox 360 ad
http://www.youtube.com/w/Banned-Xbox-360-Ad?v=WnpGtHq7Z0U&feature
=Views&page=1&t=a&f=b

the skinny

2006-02-18T23:51:00.000-04:00

so i spent the weekend working in pei, made loads of cash, ate lots of fast food, smelled way too many farts (5 guys + 1 hotel room = way too much stink), laughed, got to know my work mates better, and now i'm very tired. sometimes i wonder what i'm going to do with all this money, but i know it'll be good to have for something. even so i much prefer the simple life. check out Josh's blog for a recent post on life simply lived in Mozambique. that's the way it should be.
i'm going to bed.

memories of a long lost childhood

2006-02-16T18:31:00.000-04:00

i was driving to work today and distinctly heard the sound of a crow cawing (if that's what you call it). immediately, i was back in the woods in Red Head. the sky was overcast and the air was damp. i could hear the call of a solitary crow in the distance. i was ready for a day of adventure, climbing trees, building camps, damming streams, and getting into a whole lot of trouble.

i was reminded of a boy full of life and innocence, before fear, pride, and lust made him a responsible member of our selfish society.

much has been lost, but much has also been won back again. i am taking hold of what Jesus bought for me...my life. my fully abundant, overflowing life. i have learned so much and cried very hard. i have also laughed but not as often as i wish. i am laughing more these days. i do not regret one minute of my life. i am moving from what Paul (i think it was him) called "glory to glory". i am moving closer towards Him. it is terrifying, yet exhilarating. there is darkness all around, but He is always nearby. i'm not always sure where i am or what i'm doing, but when i look at Him i see everything else clearly. He is my reality.

the way it is these days

2006-02-16T18:14:00.000-04:00

check this out:

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/pc_article.php?id=7119

i totally believe this to be true and honestly, to be the one thing that my life is lacking. i am so busy all the time. even when i have nothing to do. i am always on the go. and i hate it. yet i have not done much of anything to slow myself down. the funny thing is that for years i kept getting the same prophetic word to just rest in God. i have done it to some degree here and there, but i have not maintained a lifestyle of rest and contemplation. i want to. i want to know God, and i know that He is here. i just need to slow down and see Him. silence scares me. i feel vulnerable if i'm not doing something...anything. i feel like i'm wasting my life if i'm not accomplishing anything. but i've found that resting is an action and i am accomplishing great things by drawing near to Him. that's why i am here.

somebody listen to the song "Silence" by Blindside...please.

finding Jesus in extremely unexpected places

2006-02-11T22:53:00.000-04:00

Harrison Ford is back! i watched "Firewall" tonight, and man, it was intense. you should definitely check it out. it's classic Harrison Ford action...if you've never seen classic Harrison Ford action, check out Indiana Jones, The Fugitive, Air Force One, and a host of others. is it ok that i like movies as much as i do? the reason i titled my blog the way i did is that Jesus pops up in this movie in a completely unexpected way. you'll love it. i sure did. i laugh while still thinking about it right now. i won't ruin it for you. watch it!

so i guess it's my birthday tomorrow. i shall be 21 years of age (i don't like to say "old" because that scares me). just thought you might like to know. i feel overwhelmed at the prospect of making a plan for my wife...woah! i totally meant to type "life", typed "wife". hmm...that was strange. i'm definitely a little afraid of the future, knowing that God has given me the capacity to choose my own path. i don't want to screw it up. but i think the only way i could screw it up is if i let fear hold me back. God told me today that it's not really the big things that matter to Him as much as it is the small things, such as choosing to take up my cross and follow Him, loving people to life, and other such beautiful things that He has enabled me to do. i do want to do stuff: make plans, be more proactive, set some goals, prepare for the future; but not at the expense of the present. argh! i could go on all night. but i won't because i don't want to, and my thoughts are not flowing.

Happy Birthday to me!

forgiven

2006-02-08T00:20:00.000-04:00

so i was driving brittany home after home group tonight. i didn't want to go all the way around so i parked on the other side of the walking bridge (sorry for those of you who don't know the geography of quispamsis), and walked her across to her house. courtney came as well because she didn't want to be left alone in the car in the dark. so we got across the bridge to brittany's street and a car comes speeding down the street towards us, flies by and pulls in a driveway. it then proceeds to back out and come back towards us as if it was going to drive into us. the girls were freaking out. i figured it was just a few guys having some fun. i turned to tell the girls to chill and the car drove right on by. it stopped a little ways down the street and started to back up. the girls started running. i laughed. then something happened that i absolutely did not expect. the car stopped, the guy rolled down his window and yelled at me, "you're gay!" in a very scornfully mocking way. i kindly thanked him and continued on my way. i was dumbfounded though. i couldn't believe that someone could act that way. i don't even really know what to call it...immature? i assumed that he said that because he assumed that we were all scared and thought that we were going to get run over. i wanted to make fun of him because of the incredulousness of his statement, but i knew that was wrong (i still kinda did anyway). i think i wanted to make fun of him as well because what he said actually had an effect upon me. it was like a fiery dart thrown by the enemy. it felt like poison. i did feel kinda slimed. then i felt something different; a kind of sadness. i thought of Jesus saying, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." i kinda felt that way. it was compassion for that guy. he really is lost. he is lost in his self absorbed world like the rest of us. we are all to varying degrees more or less selfish than one another. i am taking the path towards less selfishness, the path of sacrifice. i blessed him. i really believe Jesus meant it when He told us to bless those who curse us. He knew that people are not the real enemy. i hope that guy finds the truth. i hope he finds out that there is more to live for than himself. i hope i meet him again someday. maybe just so i can love him.

because love covers over a multitude of sins.

it really happened!

2006-02-04T23:06:00.000-04:00

i just watched "Cinderella Man". what a movie. please go watch it. i might never have cried that hard in a movie before. i can't even tell you how amazing it is. you just gotta see it. and it's a true story! i love real life! the "Great Depression" really happened. they had some hard times. but they fought through it. they made it to the other side.

i used to spout out cliche answers (even Bible verses) when i or my friends were having a rough time. but i've come to know that most of the time when people are in that place they can't receive it because they can't see it. their view is blocked by the obstacle in their path. all i do these days is just try to love every moment in life...the good times and the bad. God is with me all the time. i'm never alone. that is so comforting.

you've got to watch that movie.
i've got to go to bed.
we've got to get together sometime...yes, i'm talking to you.

real life

2006-02-04T00:43:00.000-04:00

i love it when God walks up to me sometimes and just says "i love you, ok?"

i work for a credit card marketing company and i talk to people in malls, stores, etc. and tell them they need credit cards. it's fun. but sometimes i get way too stressed out about it, comparing myself to how other guys that i work with are doing; plus there is the fact that i only get paid commission, so if i don't get people to sign up, i don't get paid. it can be worrisome. now i know that God doesn't want me to worry cuz He's totally taking care of me. i still do though. it's funny, cuz i was doing it today...worrying that i wasn't getting enough...and then the day went on and i got a bunch more and came out with quite enough in the end. God knew. at one point in the day as i was walking around canadian tire i heard Jars of Clay on the radio singing:

"lift me up when i am falling
lift me up...keep me from drowning again"

and the other words from the song Flood.
worrying sucks...the life out of you. it's death. i hate it. don't do it. it's not worth it.

and then...i went to hang out with some folks tonight...found a guy named Chris that i went to high school with who has the same kind of car that i have and told me he had the same problem with his heater fan. he took me outside wiggled a lil wire and i had heat again! i loved it. i'm so stoked that i can be warm again!

i think i said in my last post that i'm tired and busy a lot lately. most all i think about is work. i no like. i need to rest more and prioritize. hehe...i want to just go back to Mozambique but i feel like i need to make some more long term plans for my life...i do feel that God wants me to be here at this time too. i believe He is birthing something in me. man, i don't know. i know He loves me. it sounds cliche, but that is enough for me. i still worry and get afraid and disobey and run away, but He just loves me. it's good. i was telling my good friend, Katie, just a few moments ago that this is life. i watched "raise your voice" tonight with some friends...made fun of it a lot. so much drama, but it was so fake. this is real life. it's dirty and mean and confusing and joyful and sad and loud and annoying and mysterious and tiring and funny and real. man, lately i can't really put my thoughts into words because it seems like the words don't exist. this is real. i want to really live. if you haven't seen "secondhand lions", please watch it right away. i love life! life...

"i have come that they may have life and have it to the full."
what does that mean? i don't know. but i like it. i want it.

i gotta go to bed because i gotta get up at 6:30 and drive to fredericton to work. i love you all. i will leave you with these inspiring words that i wish i could say i wrote:

"Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?

Sam: But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.

Sam: Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for."

tiredness

2006-02-02T23:54:00.000-04:00

i had a really good day today at work. but now i am right tired. tiredness is one of those things that jordan hates. i feel lifeless...absolutely dead. i don't want to go to work in the morning. i just want to sleep. more importantly, i just want to be with Jesus. but i'm so tired. it's funny how i think my tiredness is able to come between me and God. it sure looks that way, but i know it ain't true.

"God loves you, ok?"

i know that He is near. it's almost like when Shasta was riding through the passes of Archenland and he felt the presence of Aslan beside him but he didn't know what or who it was. but what i sense is the absence. it's like He standing right in front of me but i can't see Him. ah, but He's right here.

it's a good thing God loves me...especially when i'm tired. i think i'm gonna do the smart/wise/rational/logical thing and go to bed now.
peace

i like life and life likes me

2006-02-02T00:26:00.000-04:00

yeah, so my toes are just about frozen solid...beginning to warm up a little bit. chad's toes are cold too. chad looks like an old man with his faded blue bath robe and cozy slippers. we had to drive to chad's house (present location) from Grand Baby...i mean Bay...with the windows rolled down so my car wouldn't fog up. for some reason the fan decided it didn't want to turn on. chad ordered God to turn the fan on...didn't happen. yeah, i have a car. it's kinda pinkish/red. i think i'm gonna call it "the Precious". it's a beauty. once i get a picture of it i'll post one on here. i send my camera away over a month ago to get fixed and they just called me and want me to pay $200 to get it fixed even though it's under warranty. Jordan was not happy. money issues have been tight lately. things definately not going the way i would like. but i'm rockin life! Jesus is my besta friend! i'm so happy to know Him. i'm serious. He makes me feel alive. i was reading a book called "A Town Called Potential" and author buddy comments on when Paul said "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." author buddy says that most people use that as a slogan to make them feel like superman (and it's true), but in reality what Paul is saying is that God enables us to get through the rough and tumble mundane issues and little details of ordinary life. i see it happening all around me. it's the little things that usually get me down. i don't know why. i wanted to not work today because i was annoyed at my bank and i still couldn't get my car registered (that's a whole blog in itself). but i stayed and actually had a really good day.

regardless of whether i have cold toes or $1000 in debt, God loves me. i'm his favorite. He makes me smile and i make Him smile. i love Him. now i'm getting all mushy, but i almost want to cry. you know how you feel when He is near. He's always near, and i'm becoming more aware of His Presence all the time. i love it.

all that to say:

i like life and life likes me!

if you haven't seen the 1977 musical version of "A Christmas Carol", please go rent it. i don't care if it's christmas or not. it will make your day.

hungry heart

2006-01-29T01:38:00.000-04:00

so lately i've gotten into the habit of staying up pretty late. for this very reason i found myself getting up at 11:00 am this morning and grabbing "The Last Battle" to finish reading it. i started to cry as i read the last page. it was because of the longing that rose up in my heart as i read it. here it is...

"The light ahead was growing stronger. Lucy saw that a great series of many-colored cliffs led up in front of them like a giant's staircase. And then she forgot everything else, because Aslan himself was coming, leaping down from cliff to cliff like a living cataract of power and beauty...
Then Aslan turned to them and said: 'You do not yet look so happy as I mean you to be.'
Lucy said, 'We're so afraid of being sent away, Aslan. And you have sent us back into our own world so often.'
'No fear of that,' said Aslan. 'Have you not guessed?'
Their hearts leaped and a wild hope rose within them.
'There was a real railway accident,' said Aslan softly. 'Your father and mother and all of you are--as you used to call it in the Shadowlands--dead. The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning.'
And as He spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before."

i set the book down and just cried. i wanted to go to heaven and be with Jesus right then and there. i didn't want to go to work and try to get people to sign up for credit cards. work and money and everything else i worry most about seemed so insignificant. i just wanted oneness...wholeness...complete unity with (as my good friend, James Thomas, calls Him) my Creator and Friend. i long for Him. sometimes more deeply; sometimes not so much.

i was thinking about His nearness as i was driving home tonight. i spent the evening just hanging out with friends, playing cards and laughing. He was there. i didn't necessarily feel Him, but joy and laughter and love and friendship originate from Him. i like to see Him in His children.

sometimes i get so caught up in seeking Him "spiritually" that i beat myself down if i'm not seeking Him by praying, reading the Bible, etc. now you must know that i desire Him more than anything else in this life. but i see more and more everyday that the rules imposed on me (by myself or religion) just don't work. sure it organizes everything nicely, but you can't contain a relationship with the living God. He's too freaking huge! i want to know His love that surpasses knowledge. so i am seeking Him. He said i'll find Him if i do. it's like digging for buried treasure. you know it's there somewhere just below the surface. i like what David says:

"Oh God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my sould thirst for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water."

He is my God and my very life.

hunger hurts

2006-01-28T01:20:00.000-04:00

so, i left the addicting world of myspace but found that i couldn't keep my thoughts to myself for long. so i decided to find another outlet. here it is. check back often to read of my excellent adventures and bogus journeys.

did you ever wonder why hunger hurts? your body feels pain when you need to eat. it's a mechanism designed to let you know that it's time for sustenance. i'm definately no doctor, but that's the way it appears to me. so i look at the pain in the world and see it as a wake up call, kind of like my stomach growling; a rumbling of something that lies just under the surface barely invisible. God is whispering...do we have our hands over our ears? He will use anything He can to get your attention. He loves you and wants to be near you. He will do whatever it takes. Just respond.

hopefully, i'll see you around...